The other day while scrolling on social media, I saw a post from a woman looking to connect with people who have moved to France. She enthusiastically said she is moving to France because she “just loves everything about it!” And that one simple phrase let me know she’s not ready to move to France. Here’s why.
Maybe you too are dreaming of moving to France because you love everything about it. I see this phrasing in the comments of my own content (like on this post and this one).
Maybe you’re enchanted by the beautiful places, charmed by the architecture, or convinced that life in France is a never-ending montage of berets, baguettes, pastries, classy people, and cobblestone streets.
And hey, I get it—France IS a beautiful country with a lot to offer. There’s a lot to love about France and I won’t debate that. But if your reason for uprooting your life is that you “love everything about France,” I’m going to strongly suggest you hit pause and think again… at least for now.
Here’s the thing: France isn’t a utopia. It’s definitely not a curated Instagram feed or a place to escape to because everything is perfect all the time. For a vacation, maybe, but if you want to live here, you need a reality check. France is a real place with its fair share of flaws. French people love to complain and will tell you all about them!
When you move here with unrealistic expectations, thinking you’re stepping into some sort of European fairytale where you can play house, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
>>>>>>In case you’re curious, here are 40 things that might catch you off guard when you move to France as well as a bunch of things I did wrong as well as a lot I did right.<<<<<<<<<<
Let’s consider a few things:
1. France is not a utopia
France is many things—beautiful, culturally rich, and historic—but it is not Disneyland. Moving to France because you think it’s flawless is a recipe for disappointment. No country is beyond reproach, and France is no exception.
From bureaucracy that can make you want to tear your hair out to cultural norms that might not align with your values, there will be challenges and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Romanticizing France as a perfect destination ignores the complexities of living in a real, functioning (and flawed) country. You have to take the blinders off.
Back to Disneyland, even though it’s “the happiest place on earth,” the lines can be long, your favorite ride might be closed, and it rains sometimes. You can still love Disneyland and enjoy it, but also hold space for the fact that it’s not perfect either.
2. Unrealistic expectations lead to heartache
When you arrive in France expecting only picture-perfect café scenes and baguette-filled bliss, the less glamorous realities of life here will hit you hard.
Some of you reading this might be thinking, “Come on Diane, no one really thinks France is perfect” but I assure you I see stuff like this on social media all the time and get emails weekly from people with their head in the clouds. To that end, check out my commentary on this popular CNN article about an American couple who moved home after a year.
Here’s the short list: Public strikes might derail your plans. Stores closing on Sundays could frustrate you. French customer service might feel less than accommodating. The language barrier might hit you hard. Finding somewhere to live and setting up internet service and getting a bank account can prove challenging. And I could go on and on.
Sometimes it’s not even each separate thing that’s the biggest challenge but everything lumped together into one big ball of stress and unease. Don’t underestimate how much that might affect you… especially when you’re dealing with other difficult aspects of life too like grief, health issues, financial stress, relationship problems, etc.
If you move here thinking France is all lavender fields and patisserie-lined streets, reality is going rear its ugly head sooner or later. The rainy winter in Paris (and actually out where I live too) will feel less poetic when you’re trudging through puddles, and your charming Provençal farmhouse might come with a hefty heating bill and a few resident mice.
Falling in love with France means appreciating both the highs and the lows.
The more you’ve idealized France in your mind, the tougher it will be to come to terms with the less dreamy aspects. You’ll make it harder on yourself to adapt and integrate.
On top of that, even if all the external factors about France were perfect, there are a lot of internal adjustments that need to happen when moving abroad anywhere. How you react to culture shock, homesickness, getting used to living in another language, and a bunch of things you can’t anticipate ahead of time all factor in.
3. What does “loving everything about France” really mean?
Let’s step back. What does that actually mean? If you literally love everything, you haven’t done enough research, or at the very least, haven’t experienced France’s less charming sides… and I assure you that they exist.
Have you considered the financial implications of moving? Inheritance tax? Taxes in general? FATCA/FBAR reporting? The visa requirements? The costs? The cultural differences that could leave you feeling out of place? It’s a lot!
And what about all the things that French people complain about that have nothing to do with you being a foreigner. There are a bunch of things French people don’t love about their own country and they have merit too.
Moving to France is not the same as being on vacation in France. I tell you that a lot because it’s true. Living somewhere means facing ALL aspects of everyday life, not just the parts on social media that we see through rose-tinted filters.
4. Above all, it’s about balance
Falling in love with France is wonderful, but it’s so important to balance your love with practicality. You learn to love the pros and accept the cons at the same time. I shout it from the rooftops that you have to research the not-so-glamorous sides of life in France.
Loving France doesn’t mean glossing over its imperfections or pretending there aren’t any; it means understanding and accepting them. I can’t stress that enough.
Make it your mission to read about expats’ and immigrants’ struggles with integration, the language barrier, loneliness, healthcare, and the famous French bureaucracy… and that’s just for starters. Really listen to what they’re saying. It’s easy to dismiss someone’s struggles because we think we know better, but do we if we’ve never walked in their shoes?
If someone is only presenting a one-sided rosy view of France, ask yourself why.
Finally, ask yourself if you’re ready to deal with these challenges—and if the answer is no, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you can never move, but it does mean you’ll benefit from more preparation.
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There’s nothing wrong with loving France—many of us do! But loving it as a real, complex place is far more sustainable than loving it as a fantasy (especially if you plan on moving here!).
Do everything in your power to have realistic expectations because it’ll make you better equipped to deal with the joys and frustrations. By staying home (for now), you’ll give yourself time to do the work: research, soul search, and prepare for the challenges ahead.
France will still be here when you’re ready to love it for what it truly is: a vibrant, fascinating country with beauty and flaws, just like anywhere else. When you can say, “I’m moving to France because I’m prepared for the good, the bad, and the unexpected and know it’s the right choice for me despite its flaws” then you’ll know it’s time. 😉
Bonne chance! xx
P.S. Please let me know if you find value in these types of posts. Over the years, I’ve written a ton about things I love about life here but balance has always been important to me. There’s so much content out there painting life in France with a very fluffy, dreamy, unrealistic brush and I try my best to counter that with real talk. I want you to LOVE your time in France and you can only do that if you’re prepared and know what to expect.
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Merci for your thoughtfulness and well-written articles. I always appreciate your wisdom. Here’s a perfect petite example of what you’re talking about. I was lucky to have visited France twice this year. One day we planned to go to Mont St-Michel (which we did go), but getting to the main Paris train station at 5:30 am was a wee bit of a challenge. We went to the wrong bus stop first and there were big piles of garbage and rooting around in that garbage were rats that were not cute like in Ratatouille. Paris is a big city and even though much of it is gorgeous and romantic and exciting (we did see all of that, too), the reality is there are garbage piles, rats, and I’m sure crime to equal other big cities (since the beginning of cities). Eventually we decided to hail a cab instead of taking the bus and we had an amazing day at MSM. The moral is don’t let the “rats” deter you, but be prepared for that and other not so lovely aspects of life anywhere.
Thanks Lauren and love the Ratatouille analogy. Great movie 🙂 I agree w/the moral at the end 100%
I found that a lot of people I interact with about moving abroad (I did the UK to the USA) think that it’s a magical fix to all of life’s issues or, as you point out, that it’s going to be some kind of utopia. Proper research about the good, bad and the ugly realities of everyday life is what is needed as there has to be a balance about what to expect, etc. This was a great reminder to have!